The chocolate Santas are crowding the aisles, the kids are in the shops picking their advent-calendars with feverish anticipation and the air has turned a little colder but also perhaps a little merrier.
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| Santa is always watching... |
It can only mean one thing.....
Yes, the yearly festivities of impending unexpected Pop-Star mass death.
The festive period of 2016/7 was a record-breaking year for pop-star deaths. Wham! Suddenly pot-loving pop star George Michael was no more. Michael might have died of heart failure on his Last Christmas on Earth, but his pop-career was no failure, releasing bouncy clean-shaven hits throughout the 80's with absolutely no hint of gayness until becoming a fully bearded 'serious' artist and officially gay, and dying of who knows what passed off as a 'heart attack'.
So here at Truthspoon.com, in the bid for a little festive fun I have decided to start a sweep-stake on which of our great catalogue of increasingly aging, drug-addled or otherwise vulnerable pop-stars might pop their clogs around Christmas time or going into the early days of the new-year.
There's sure to be one....or with any luck......a whole festive shitload!
Dead popstars are like buses. You wait for one to die, and suddenly three all turn up dead at once or as Oscar Wilde might have said, to lose one popstar around Christmas time might be regarded as misfortune, to lose two looks like carelessness, but to lose fucking three or more popstars in two weeks looks like something fishy is going on.
And here at Truthspoon.com, where the truth comes by the spoonful but doesn't taste of sugar, we think something is definitely up so we wonder who or which witch will be the next pop-star to have their Illuminati fame-contract summarily terminated.
Remember age is no-indication of impending mortality, anything could happen...and if it's going to happen then it will probably happen at Christmas. If not popstar death then Asian Tsunamis, Iranian/Turkish earthquakes or Christmas massacres in the merry Christmas loving Congo.
Christmas is mass disaster and death time!
When everyone's guard is down and quietly enjoying a bit of peace from all of the distractions of the outside world it's time for another festive surprise.....so let's wrap up our celebrity death presents and get ready to pop them under the tree, and see which one we get to open.
What's in this year's pop-Christmas coffin box?
Could it be Madonna?
Madonna was once a powerful figure in the Illuminati but lately her career has very much been on the slide, following a loss of a magical manna and prestige and the supreme affront of falling on her arse while attempted to fly during a stage-show, it seems that Madonna's power is failing and is only a matter of time before the Dementors come to take her to Azkaban and imprison her for all eternity with all the other bad witches.
Madonna has kept her dead down and resorted to feeding from the bodies of domestic pets which she hunts during early morning expeditions for fresh blood to sustain her decaying form.
Madonna is fast becoming a forgotten dusty relic from an ancient time. What better way to rejuvenate her career and freshen up the Madonna brand than a sudden unexpected Christmas death and the ensuing media canonisation and the endless sea of stupid tearful faces and miles of media print dedicated to a tawdry and corrupted satanic slut while depicting her as the greatest cultural heroine since records began.
That really would make it a Holiday to Celebrate!
Right dead pop-star pickers?
Or how about the steadily disintegrating cultural black hole of infinite quantum vacuity known as Britney Spears as our next candidate for a fresh Christmas carcass.
Britney is presently doing a residency in Las Vegas and posted a 'selfie' from the gym showing a woman who has clearly found a more interesting alternative to food.
The Sun described her as being 'in the shape of her life' which seems to be tempting popstar fate at this time of year and will possibly ring out hollowly from the bottom of the cat litter tray underneath the front page story reporting her sudden unexpected death on Christmas Eve.
Britney famously shared a kiss with demented pop-crone and co-entrant in the 2016 Christmas Illuminati 'hit-list' Madonna. As a result of the kiss with Madonna, Britney may have become contaminated with the witchy pop-madness in Madonna's fetid saliva, a disease which can remain dormant for several years only to suddenly lead to an outbreak of self-destructive behaviour; the hearing of whispering voices in the dark, and the attention of members of the occult organisations who only prey on those who are thus weakened.
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| Contaminated with witchy pop-madness. |
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| Madonna's saliva is more fetid and bacteriologically active than a Kimono Dragon's bite which kills its prey with fatal bacteria. |
Britney suffered from a nervous breakdown where she publicly shaved off her dizzy blonde mane of her, possibly because she was sick and tired of getting constantly gang raped by randy witches in the middle of the night flying through her window on their broomsticks. This led her to a dependence on prescription drugs which inspired her number one Billboard hit 'Tranquilizer'.
In no way does Truthspoon support or condone the 'burning times' but if Madonna and Britney Spears are any indication of what witches are really like, then one perhaps becomes a little more sympathetic to the witch burning mission of Mathew Hopkirk, the much maligned Witch Finder General.
Where is he when you need him?
The question is, will Madonna, Britney or even both, get burned this Christmas in a freakishly tragic but ultimately deeply satisfying, festive-season accident?
Place your bets.....
EDIT as of 29th December 2017.
By predicting the worst in a slightly non self-conscious manner, hopefully we have avoided the worst. This satirical piece of foolery was designed to fend off the weirdist and worst Illuminati demonic pop-star sacrifices. Here's hoping for an unexpected death and natural disaster free year. If we focus our minds, we can calm these storms.
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