Prince onstage performing a concert with the Three Degrees of the Masonic Jehovah's witnesseses.

Prince Dies of Suspected Sex Overdose: Police Frantically Performed CPR Before Death

— Prince's eyes flickered and he had one last erection, dedicated to his fans, before dying and leaving a small patch of purple rain.

Prince was known for his uncompromising avant guard personal styling and ill advised forays into politics.

HRH the small thin prince of Sex and maybe drugs, was found dead in his own home in a highly sexually distressed condition. Despite attempts by the police to resuscitate the Prince by playing his own music to his dead body and telling him how sexy he was, and giving him CPR, Prince's cream was too badly depleted to allow the former singer's sexy ghost to repossess his body, though reportedly Prince's eyes flickered briefly and it was thought that he could be successfully resuscitated, however Prince's last gesture was a sudden and surprising goodbye erection to his fans worldwide and Prince's soul left his genitals and was pronounced brain-dead.

Brain Dead: Fans react to Prince's death.

Many of his fans who wept futile tears of loss and sadnesss, over a man they never even knew and who probably wouldn't be tolerated in his royal Princiness' sexy presence for more than 39 seconds.

Despite Prince's conversion to the unaccountably popular Masonic doomsday cult he still maintained a strong interest in depressed rock-star drugs and depressed rock-star orgies. He was also fond of camels but little more can be said on this subject for want of details.

Prince's poor sexed out body was discovered crumpled and spent in the south elevator of his home, it appears that he had spent all night in his own specially constructed nuclear powered virtual sex-orgasmatron which Prince himself apparently designed to his own exacting sexual needs.

Nuclear engineers who were rushed to the scene to discover the cause of death reported that the machine appeared to be in order, except that they noted that the protective security seal had been removed and the device had been turned up to 11.

Early rumours from within Nasa that they had interecepted signals from the machine on their orbital satellite seismographic station and had picked up signals indicating that the orgasmatron was set to 'male-hard' have been thoroughly discredited and denied by Prince's publicist and his army of live-in lawyers, especially employed by Prince to secure the aura of Prince's thin, tight and camply dancing obvious heterosexuality.

Prince's lawyers confirm that this most assuredly is NOT the picture of a gay icon, despite what Boy George says, who has reportedly gone into hiding after a fatwah was posted by Prince's legal team.

More cannot be said with certainty at this stage because I hear the lawyers have woken up again and are scouring social media

LATEST UPDATE: Freaky swinger, Pope Francis has just announced that Prince is to be made an honorary Prince of the Holy Roman Empire for his services to weird religion and hypocrisy, he will be known in death and for all eternity, or at least as soon as people lose interest in an obviously temporal and vacuuous cultural icon, as Prince Prince of Sexburg Gotha.

Pope Francis reportedly stated :"It's very funny you know, everyone thinks he was some kind of important cultural voice bringing transcendent wisdom, peace and quintessential funk based enlightenment, but he was just like us, a guy who couldn't control his dick and invented a whole dogma and mythology dedicated to satiating his own needs..... our father down below has such a keen sense of irony. This is off the record of course."

Pope Francis naturally denies such a conversation ever took place.

It is reported that Prince was one of the few men who knew the sound that is made when Doves cry because he used to tease them in a specially constructed Dove-teasing apparatus built into his music studio. After teasing them for hours he would drink their tears and it is said that his apparent youthful good looks were attributed to the daily ingestion of Doves' sadness.

Prince's death at the age of 57 leads this blogger to suspect a sinister trend and that a sex-overdose may well be a media cover-story to obfuscate the fact that Prince was ritually murdered while the funk was yet strong in him in order to harvest the untapped fresh funk for the pop demons served by the Illuminati agents.

More than several famous musicians have died in mysterious or thoroughly explainable circumstances in their 57th year and there may well be a '57' club in existence where rock stars sign their souls away in exchange for a life of sex drugs and rock'n'roll, followed by a period of Ovaltine, early nights and carpet slippers, before going out in a subdued blaze of comfortable glory. Prince joins such illustrious stars of of the stage and screen such as Ian Dury, Harry H Corbett and Wally Brown who also became members of the sinister and little talked about: '57 club'.

Prince's former mate Vanity Vanity all is Vanity, was also inducted into the 57 club earlier this year and like Prince also hoped to find an escape from her sins in weird religion. It seems that in this case, weird religions were not strong enough to protect Prince and Vanity from their contractual obligations and Prince's last Instragram message seemed to indicate that the Illuminati soul and funk bailiffs had arrived to collect.