Beef Tree

           

Merry Christmas 1819 mad George the 3rd,

Jabbering nonsense for 58 hours

Thick foam gathering on his lips like eggnog

Then from the King a new noise was heard,

something like the whining and howling of a dog.

 

No your highness, that tree you are shaking hands with

is not the King of Prussia.

“No?” said the baffled king squinting, “Who is it then?”

 

The poetic steward started hinting, and said:

Your highness, put your hand down, let go of the tree,

For it is not a king, just a part of nature's beauty

But it was lost on the King, who greeted a rose bush instead.

 

And he spoke to his daughter, despite her being dead

And with paternal pride and joy at something wonderful,

He told her all about her own funeral.

 

He then buried a steak in the grounds of the castle,

An ingenious plan to feed the poor

Waiting for it to grow into a beef tree; 

He was surprised no one else had thought of it before.

It took the mind of a King to see things clearly.

 

When he took his wazoo for a little tinkle

The stream of piss came out purple

And one day Queen Victoria’s father was spumed out,

Victoria had a secret to send the world to ruin and rout

A weakness, from the Cain bloodline

the little inconvenience of poor genetics

And strangely malevolent design

Bewitches the wit of the foolish and vain

 

Presidents pontiffs, and Furhers just don’t get it

Blind figures who can’t see their next move

or who’s moving the pieces,

dirty fingers smeared with greasy faeces

With her issue haemophilia ravaged the thrones of Europe

Prince Alfonso and Gonzalo’s blood flow wouldn’t stop with a tissue

 

Tsar Nicholas II married Alix, her granddaughter,

sickly son future Tsar under the blood curse

Tsarina’s left-hand path at the crossroads,

Led to Rasputin an agent of Communist slaughter

 

Porphyria, lapses into recessive haemophilia, waiting to rage,

The royal Vampire Antichrist, is set to take the stage

The sun burns blistering lesions, psychosis, talking to the dead …

The secret elite bloodliners: totally out of their head

 

Blood in the bath at the London hotel

It’s just Lady Gaga having a laugh, do you believe in hell?

‘Bloody Mary’ the witch sings her song,

Satanic panic nowt to see here, now move along

 

Jackson liked Pepsi, Michaels loved Cock

But Keisha’s blood drinking is the new taste on the block

But supping with the devil you don’t last long

Just dig up DMX and ask him if I’m wrong

 

Have you heard the story from history,

About that weird woman from Hungary

Countess Elizabeth Bathory

Hundreds of young women disappeared from the neighbourhood.

But it’s no mystery.

Heme levels restored with the ingestion of fresh blood 

 

Her blistered skin and psychosis alleviated with the choice of the vampire generation.

 

Sausage fingers loves uxoricide because he’s got that Vampire blood

He’s Dracula’s great great grandson but I don’t think he’s much good

Now he’s our psycho Vampire king, through the Kraut Mary of Teck

Zose Krecee Cherman königlich, der blut ist sehr schlecht

 

Stress activated adrenal imbalance the truth behind the lore,

But, Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore 

 

Hoffer hypothesis: stress provokes adrenalin release,

Prolonged and sustained oxidises to adrenochrome.

Psychoactive schizophrenia compound, the end of peace

And tapping your ruby slippers won’t get you home

 

But those trapped in the heart of the underworld,

Should know there’s a way to get free

Niacin prevents the oxidation of adrenalin

A stake in the heart of the beef tree.