Insider info and illuminati analysis...

...from the man they just can't recruit.

Sunday 24 February 2013

Jimmy St. Vile and the inner mysteries of the Knights of the Sacred Trousers

A room in the basement of the head-quarters of the Knights of the sacred Trousers. There are red and black drapes on the walls. At one end of the room is an altar with a representation of a horned head. In the middle of the room is a table covered with a black cloth with a black chalice and ceremonial knife next to it. The room is thick with cigar-smoke. Miss Lookaway and Mr Hands, enter the room and join a hooded figure who is there on his knees before the altar.
Mr Hands kneels encouraging Miss Lookaway to do the same, they say “Ave Satanas” to the horned head there, three times.

The hooded figure turns to Miss Lookaway, he is smoking a cigar. 

Johnny St Vile: Now then now then young lady! I see my friend the handy Mr Hands has found a new friend to come and play with us. Isn’t that nice? Yes it is. Very nice indeed. We like having new friends coming along don’t we Mr Hands? Yes we do! We’re always on the look out for new friends to join us here. Y’see young lady, this here little club of ours what we’ve got here is a very special little club and there’s lots of very special people who are all friends of ours. If you see anyone what is famous on the telly then the chances are they are friends of ours. Now Mr Hands is bringing you here because you want to be friends with us, and one thing friends do, is that they look after each other. Isn’t that right Mr Hands?

Mr Hands: Yes Johnny.

Johnny St Vile: Just ask yourself what can Uncle Johnny do for you? Now then young lady, when I’ve finished doing things for you there’s going to be a little something you can do for me. That special posh drama school you work at with all those lovely posh little boys and girls, well you know me and how I like to help all the little boys and girls to get on in life and make their dreams come true on the telly, well, sometimes I like to bring one of the lovely little boys and girls here for a bit of a party. Now your name’s Miss Lookaway, well my name’s Johnnie Lookafter, as in, I’ll ‘lookafter’ you. How’s about that then?

Miss Lookaway: Astounded looking around I didn’t think Satanism really existed, they always told me at the coven that it was a myth invented by Christians to attack us pagans.

Johnny St Vile: Ahhhh, ugi ugi, now you cut to the very nub of it little Miss. Now you have so you have! Lord Satan is alive and well. Let me tell you a little bit about our friend over there indicating the altar and the horned head. He doesn’t judge us but he does listen to us, and unlike that stuffy Christian God Johnnie spits on the floor as if something dirty was in his mouth he works for us, not the other way around. As you ask, so shall ye receive. Look at me, I’m everywhere, everyone knows my name, the country would be a totally different place without me, and every scrap of golden jewellery I own, I owe to lord Satan. It started a long long time ago little Miss. I was introduced to the glorious kingdom of Lucifer when I was a very small child and it’s all I’ve ever known, but let me tell you what, it’s the best party in town. Anything goes, anything you fancy. A little bit of this and a little bit of that makes the world go around. Look at the Romans, the greatest empire the world has ever known, the highest civilisation, they came to Britain and they brought hygiene, wine, good living and peace. Nothing we do here isn’t what they used to do as well. In a way that’s really what we are, the Roman empire, but it’s such a great party that we’re keeping it a secret and only our best friends are invited to come along. You are one of our very best friends now Miss Lookaway.
And tonight we’re going to have a party! 

Johnny leads Miss Lookaway over to the table, Miss Lookaway sees the ceremonial knife 
please don’t be afraid Miss Lookaway, it won’t hurt, we need some of your blood for our Lord, so he can know who you are. It won’t be you lying on that table tonight, that’s for one of my little girls they’re going to bring for me later. I like the little girls, anything above 16 is brain damage. The good little girls do as they’re told y’see. You needn’t be involved if you don’t want to, we’ll find out what you like later.
Johnny takes the knife, this won’t hurt a bit, well, maybe just a bit.

St Vile cuts Miss Lookaway’s wrist with a long cut and drains the blood into the black chalice, Johnny then fastens his mouth over the wound 
and some for me. He then takes the chalice over to the horned head and pours some of it into the demon’s mouth. Suddenly Miss Lookaway feels extremely faint and dizzy, this is as a result of the drug which St Vile has directly administered into her blood with the edge of the knife. She reels over and falls to ground directly in front of the horned head. What happens next happens solely in Miss Lookaway’s now completely intoxicated brain and we as mere spectators can only guess as to what hellish visions and new understandings may have taken place there.

Johnny St Vile: addressing Miss Lookaway: That’s it my keen young lady, he has the taste of you now, can’t you feel it? Listen to the words which he tells you, he has special instructions for you. Miss Lookaway is rolling around the floor in a confused and bewildered state, her eyes wide with terror as she hears the words of the demon Satan coming from out of the horned head. Suddenly, the eyes flash bright orange like a cat’s caught in a car’s headlamps. Miss Lookaway passes out with terror. The rest of her delirium will be a private affair.

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I'm on FIRE with dat TROOF.

I'm on FIRE with dat TROOF.
Kundalini refugee doing a bit of landscaping.